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Feb 22 2012

Did you hear – I’ve got a cold. It’s true. A cold!

It’s the first cold I’ve gotten in 3 years.  Three years and yet I’ve received no flowers.  Also, I’ve been checking the news and there’s been no mention of it.  Weird.  It’s almost as if my cold isn’t really as big a deal as I think it is.

I’ve been surrounded by sickies for months… surrounded!  Yet, I never shied away from them – I’m very jesus-like in this way.  Yes indeed, and like jesus probably did, I give the appropriate amount of  baby-talk pity… “tsk tsk, poor baby’s got a stuffly wuffly nose.”  And then I’d carry on my happy way certain that my immune system, and therefore my character, is far superior than most.

I’ve been bragging for months that I don’t get sick!  And if I meant only one thing stated in the first two paragraphs, it’s that I’ve been surrounded by sick people for many months and had felt no ill effects at all!  I had started to feel immune.  But suddenly it’s upon me and now I walk around telling anyone who’s too slow to run – I’m sick and I want sympathy or least some kind of recognition for soldiering bravely with my daily duties while battling the sniffles.

Am I the only one that does this?  Try to pretend that I don’t really care that I’m feeling under the weather, all the while wanting people to feel pity for my plight and admiration for my courage.  Am I the only one that gets so melodramatic over a trifling cold?

I guess I feel the need to milk it.  I won’t get sick again for at least another year or maybe longer.  Who knows where I’ll be then or what I’ll be doing, but god help those around me if it takes another three years for me to get a cold.  I’ll carry on like the world is at an end!

Besides the physical discomfort I’m feeling these days, I’ve got some emotional/mental discomfort as well.  There’s uncertainty in areas of my life and I’m really not sure where I’m headed.  It’s new territory for me.  I haven’t spoken of it out loud because I haven’t wanted to give it voice, but if I were to be honest – I’m scared.

The closet of my imagination - a lovely place to be.
Feb 20 2012

Weekend Re-Cap

I’ve never been one of them there educated types but I was looking in the dictionary at the word “leisure”.  I was looking to use it in some other way than the usual “at her leisure” or “for leisure”.

Examples:

“I love those weekends when you do nothing but stay in your pajamas and leise.”

“I should be doing errands, but I’m too busy leising.”

Similarly:  ”My house is a mess because I’ve been leisuring all over the place.”

These seem like perfectly fine options and yet, it would appear these are not actually real words.

Friday

Friday was my Dad’s birthday, and like Father’s Day, you know what that means… dinner and (to be read in a slow and booming voice) kara-oke-hell-hell-hell…  How that man can claim to love his prettiest and only daughter and still subject her to this bi-annual humiliation is beyond me.

The high point (aka: the low point) of the night was someone’s rendition of the extremely-f@$%ing long “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull.  You see, the cruelty of karaoke is that songs that you hated by the original artists are now bleated loudly in front of your face while you try to appear supportive.

And since it was the first weekend after the tragic death of Whitney Houston, you just knew some jackass was going to attempt a Whitney song.  Of course, that jackass was me.

Saturday

Saturday was spent with StepMommy at the mall – this girl’s favorite place on earth!  The Limited was having a 40% off ev.er.y.thing sale!  Which means I spent 40% less than 100% of nothing I could afford.  Woot woot!

Saturday night yours truly was invited by a co-worker to his birthday party at Fireflys.  I wasn’t sure I was going to go, but I knew some other friends from work were going so I thought – friends, BBQ and a band… why not?!

I tell you why not… my friends never showed.  There was no party.  And the band was less than stellar.

I almost felt like a loser except…  well, actually, I did feel like a loser but my girlfriend was mad enough for the both of us so I was able to put my energies towards calming her.  Still, this is yet another reminder that my life is just a series of humiliations.  sigh…

Sunday

Sunday, I leised.  ;-)

The boyfriend and I stumbled upon Uncle Jay’s Twisted Fork for breakfast.

I took a nap because, you know… breakfast… whew!

I went to the supermarket, where I should never be allowed to go alone!  I spent over $100 before I even got to the food!

And we caught up on some quality television programming (ie. Mob Wives).

Actually, Sunday night TV is always the best – currently I’m addicted to The Walking Dead, Shameless and Downton Abbey – put them all together and that’s one helluva show!!

Last night’s Walking Dead was particularly disgusting and therefore particularly awesome!

Finally, throughout the whole weekend, I went through every single item of clothing and discarded everything that I didn’t like or didn’t fit.  I loved this exercise and highly recommend it for all women!

The closet of my imagination - a lovely place to be.

Yes, all in all, a lovely weekend – relaxed.

Well… I should be going… there are eyes on me.

mae
Feb 15 2012

Two Words

If it were my last night on earth and I had but one final thing to say, I’d ask a trusted and talented friend to clear out my computer hard drive.  No one needs to see my website viewing history, thankyouverymuch.

But just before that point – I’d remind you to love yourself.

It sounds so cliché and maybe it is, but if so, why is it so hard?

I know so many people who never cut themselves a break!  They beat themselves up for every little mistake, every imperfection.

If you’re like me, sometimes often you will make mistakes – you can’t help it, the Eggbeaters carton looks exactly like the Half & Half carton – and you’ll feel stupid.

Sometimes you’ll say something stupid – but really, who wears an empire waist anymore unless they’re pregnant – who?  And you’ll feel embarrassed.

Sometimes you’ll have a bad hair day – it will lay flat on your head and hang down all stringy like you forgot to rinse out the conditioner but you know you didn’t forget, it’s just that the hot water started to go and why can’t you wear a baseball cap to the office?  That seems arbitrary!  And you’ll feel self-conscious.

If you’re like me – the opportunities for humiliation are seemingly endless.

But so what?

So what if you fail sometimes.

So what if you’re carry a few (dozen) extra pounds.

You know every little bad thing about yourself – your mean thoughts, your selfish motives, your darkest fears – and maybe you think no one else (of quality) thinks those things too…  But they do.

Are you so different from other people that you are required to be perfect?

Are you not still worthy of love?

Starting now I want you to treat with yourself with kindness.  When you start to beat yourself up – stop it – immediately!  If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself!    

You can always vow to do better – to make better choices – to think before you speak – to be more charitable, etc.  That’s all wonderful!  But allow yourself to always be a work-in-progress… because you are.

Give yourself permission to be a human being …

- fragile and imperfect -

… brilliant in your own way and as beautiful as any child of the world.

And the ironic bonus is, when you treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness – you don’t become more selfish, you will begin to see others in a kinder light.

Love yourself.

“I don’t like myself… I’m crazy about myself.”

Mae West