Monthly Archives: May 2012

Day Seven – 31 Days of Honesty

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Day 07 — The worst thing that could happen to me is…

Okaaay… so maybe I should have read the topics ahead of time before endeavoring in this particular meme because I don’t really like this one.

I think I understand the “point” of the question… when one thinks of a horrible thing that they’re currently NOT experiencing, one can’t help but be grateful for their good fortune by default.  For instance, I’m terrified of bees – wow, how awesome is it that I’m not getting stung by bees right now!  See, it’s so easy to be grateful when your other option is horrible!

Nah, I don’t really want to think about the worst thing that could happen to me – it makes me go to dark places and I can’t help but start thinking about brain tumors and death or sitting through another episode of Mob Wives.  It’s just too terrible for words.

Bad things happen all the time – we go broke, lose loved ones, get sick, become incapacitated, our hearts get broken… And still, no matter how bad your life is, it can ALWAYS be worse – and isn’t that great?!  Hello?  Hellloooo?

Actually, it is great.  No matter how much we’re struggling or hurting, it’s important to take stock of whatever good fortunes you may have.  No matter how down I ever get, I’m ever aware that I’m an exceedingly lucky girl if only for some basics…

  • Lucky to have my eyes, my ears, my voice - I have color and music and a way to express myself.
  • Lucky to have my limbs – I can dance like a fool, pet my dog and write a silly blog.
  • Lucky to have a roof over my head – or else I’d be knocking at your door with runny mascara.
  • Lucky to have a little change in my pocket for the vending machine.
  • Lucky to still have people who love me when sometimes I’m not very lovable.

And being cognizant of these blessings is a wonderful thing… so I guess…

the worst thing that could ever happen to me?

Alzheimers.

Day Six – 31 Days of Honesty

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Day 06 — Something I want to do in my lifetime but I already know I won’t be able to is…

I’ve tried and failed to come up with only “one” of any of these meme questions so boom… I’m listing…

  • I’d love to visit the North Pole and bake gingerbread cookies with the elves… and if one of them got fresh or sassed me, I’m pretty sure I could take one in a fight.  50/50 sure at least.
  • I’d love to be a super smart and sexy spy… like James Bond except I don’t want to get kicked in the nuts.  (I miss Pierce Brosnan – I don’t think he ever got kicked in the nuts.)
  • I’d love to play piano and sing like Jerry Lee Lewis.  I think I would have handled it better – and I don’t have any hot cousins so… ya know… we’re all good.
  • I’d love to be able to do anything with my body – like a dancer – but I’m short, can no longer do the splits unless it’s of the banana variety and when I dance…people get hurt – s#*t gets broke.
  • And although I’m always the optimist… by now, I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna marry anyone from Duran Duran but when I was 14, it seemed so inevitable.

I’ve probably missed the entire point of the question but when I truly think about it – anything I’d really like to do, I probably could… even if I probably won’t.

In that vein… some snark-free highly improbable possibilities…

  • I’d like to speak another language – Russian seems fun!
  • I’d really like to play piano – something other than Chopsticks.
  • I’d like to be a mother.
  • I’d like to go to college – but what would I study?  It’s ALL so fascinating – how can people settle on one major?
  • I’d like to travel the world primarily by sea… most specifically, I’d love to visit Pitcairn.
 
Life is amazing… I’d do it ALL, if I could…

Day Five – 31 Days of Honesty

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Day 05 — The person (outside of my family) who has had the greatest influence on my life is…

This meme is hard!  I can never pick just one of anything.  My life is an ever growing global buffet – how could I ever pick just one thing or person?

I’ve had many influential people at various stages of my life – some were cautionary tales, no doubt, but I’ve been fortunate to meet many wise, thoughtful and talented people.  I apologize in advance to those I’m leaving out…

Peggy Flannery – my singing teacher.  I was eight years old when I started singing.  Peggy believed in me and when we couldn’t afford lessons, she coached me for free.  She helped me find my voice and I don’t know who I’d be today if I wasn’t a singer.

Judith-Ann and Tina – 2 brilliant and beautiful sisters took me under their wing and taught me how to take better care of myself and helped me to take notice of my intellect and independence.  I always hoped I’d make them proud of me one day.

Dr. Linda Johnston – my general practitioner who became a friend and mentor taught me to recognize that Love comes from within.  It doesn’t matter if you get it back – you feel it when you give it.   That lesson would help me through some painful times.

Well, that’s 4 which is about as small a list as I could get for this topic because there really is a seemingly endless list of artists, friends and lovers who have each made a powerful impact in my thinking and behavior to this very day.  I’m grateful for them ALL.

Day Four – 31 Days of Honesty

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Day 04 — The worst thing ever to happen to me…

I’ve been thinking about this one for awhile.  The trouble is I’m a fortunate girl whose problems usually involve food or a bathroom in some way.

So when I start thinking about the “worst” things that have ever happened to me, the first things that come to mind are as follows:

  • The time I ran out of hot water with conditioner still in my hair.
  • The time I realized that the 2-1 shampoo/conditioner really doesn’t work at all.
  • The time(s) I bit my fat little cheek because I chew too fast.
  • The time I poked myself in the eye.
  • The time I poured egg beaters into my coffee because the carton looked like half & half.
  • The time I poured half & half into the skillet because the carton looked like egg beaters.  What the hell!
  • The time I made a horrible vegetarian “meatloaf” that everybody choked down in effort not to hurt my feelings.  Although that might be on their “worst” thing list.  ((hugs))

Sure, there have been plenty of truly painful experiences – broken hearts from loves I thought would never end – sending my beloved pets gently into that goodnight are still memories that cause me to pause and reflect.

But I took on this meme so I will give you a genuine answer.

During my marriage – we wanted a family and it just wasn’t happening for us.  We’d tried on our own for a year and nothing.  We went to the best fertility hospital in Boston and, after taking fertility drugs with no success, decided that IVF was our best chance.  For a year I got daily hormone shots, got my IVF treatment and eventually it worked!  We got pregnant and I couldn’t have been happier – I was elated, giddy to see a little beating heart on the ultrasounds, talking to my belly, writing letters to my unborn etc.

But soon I started suffering from “fertility sickness”.  My ovaries had swollen to a ridiculous amount and I started retaining so much fluid that my skin started to stretch.   It was ugly.  And painful.

And soon after that, when my husband came with me so that he could see the beating heart… … there wasn’t one – no longer a beating heart.  It had died.  And I had lost my composure and started to bawl and wail uncontrollably.  I just couldn’t believe it.  I was absolutely crushed.

That night my husband said he wanted to try again.  And I said I didn’t think so.  And I meant it.  I know many people are successful after trying multiple attempts but I just didn’t want to go through all that again.  And he did.  And soon I started to resent him.  It wasn’t his fault and he didn’t do anything wrong – but little by little I began to detach myself from him until I didn’t feel anything anymore.

In so many ways I was selfish and weak.  Other people had suffered much larger tragedies and come out of it strong and tried harder and found success … but I just quit – all of it.  

And then we divorced.  

That was December but truthfully I can’t remember what year.  I don’t think about it much anymore – and sometimes the whole thing – the marriage and everything seems like it happened to another person.

All my life I’ve heard that I’m emotionally detached – that I’m cold.  Sometimes I still believe that. 

Hello Gorgeous – I’ve missed you!!!

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So I’m back!!  Did you miss me?  Hello…. helllloooo…?

Did you at least notice that I wasn’t here?

Well, anyway, I took a vacation – nothing major – boats were involved. Sunshine. and lack of wireless capabilities.  Twas lovely.  I swam, beached, ate, drank, walked til I collapsed (or was that from drinking?), etc…

I got a kick-ass tan which has faded 2 more shades since I typed this.  I’m so desperate to keep it I may have to get myself lacquered.  Or, y’know… go outside.

But like every time I leave town I’m always so glad to be home.  And that’s a nice truth.  I like coming home to my dog Teddy, my friends and my, loosely referred to, routines.  I like getting back to work.

Getting back to work this time, though, freaked me out a little.  Naturally I came back to a ginormous stack of work which had impatiently waited for me.  I’ve never seen a stack of papers take on a living form – breathing and snarling at me – so I had to get myself in a cool mode to take it on bit by bit – calmly, using a gentle tone of voice (don’t freak out) – until it was manageable.  The stack of work isn’t exactly purring yet, but at least I’m not in any danger losing limbs.  I’m still behind but the “have to” stuff is taken care of.  Whew…

It’ll take me a couple of weeks to get completely caught up of course – no one has yet to explain to me the vacation-to-backlog ratio.  One week vacation = 3 weeks of catch-up.  What kind of math is that?

Also, while I was away, the deal closed on the acquisition.  When I left I was part of little co inc and we are now officially under the umbrella of megasupercolossal corporation.  Good stuff, I think.  Great opportunities for professional and personal growth.  Change is exciting but it’s always a little scary too – especially if you fear the change involves a visit to the unemployment office.  But I think I’m okay for a while… we’ll have to wait and see how things progress.

One of the things I really liked about my little company was the leadership of my team and now the CFO, who I adored, is on his way to other things and I’ll miss him.  So this week I met Mr. New CFO, and ya know?… I like him.   He has a nice way about him – seems easy to work with, easy to talk to.  So far, the transition seems smoothish – there’ll be a lot of uncomfortable adjustments and we’ll all need to be on our toes and flexible, but I always wanted to be a ballerina.

Ok, so back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Day Three – 31 Days of Honesty

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Day 03 — My favorite song from the year I was born…

There are a couple of songs from 1968 that I listen to regularly – like at least once a week and so it’s hard for me to choose…  

The most obvious choice is Hey Jude… I love the Beatles and it’s a great song – Paul’s voice is beautiful, it’s fun to sing and there are always things to discover in every listening.  As I type I realize this is a no-brainer.  And no-brainers are my specialty!

But I really wanna give a shout out to Burt Bacharach’s/Hal David’s This Guy’s In Love With You – sung by Herb Alpert.  As much as I love Hey Jude, over saturation has reduced it’s effect on me.  But this song always hits me where I live and I almost cry every time I hear it.  Unfortunately I listen through my ipod which I use at the gym… I always get the strangest looks when I’m crying at the treadmill.  

Another strong contender is the Delfonics’ La La Means I Love You.  Unfortunately, this song brings up painful memories for me and thus is not eligible for the “favorite song” category.  

Side note:  while doing my extensive research on YouTube, have you noticed in the comments that people have to fight about everything??  Like about what brought them to the site – who liked them first – how they don’t make good music anymore and how Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga should just quit, etc… people are weird.  And when I say “weird”, I mean “f#$%&d”.